Sarah Anne I Am

  Today I was at Goodwill when an older man came up and struck up a conversation. Indicating the bike helmet I was looking at, he asked, “Do you ride a scooter?”   “No, just a bike. Not a motorcycle or anything, just a regular bike.”   He looked like an innocent man in his fifties or sixties who was lonely for conversation. There were plenty of people around and he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable as our conversation continued.   “I’ve been riding a motorcycle since I was eleven years old,” he said. I told him that was cool. He pulled up the pants leg of his shorts slightly, showing me the twisted, gnarled skin. “I spent four weeks in Harborview when this happened,” he said.   “Ow! Oh my goodness!” I commented, and he- seemingly happy for a captive audience- continued.   “I was riding home one night, and some nice person had lost their dark brown couch in the middle of the freeway. I was lucky enough to hit i...

I have sat and watched those trained to move with beauty perform on spot-lit stages, while I am in the darkened audience admiring the way they control their movements to convey emotion. I have stood in line for five hours and then walked on tired feet through an art exhibit, awe-struck by the pure and undefiled brilliance of Picasso’s work merely inches from my eyes as I drank in the masterful talent he placed on canvas. I have sang the lines penned by someone else’s hand in their darkest or brightest hours, I have sang the verses and choruses they composed to show the place where they stood and the melody they heard as they stood there. But it is time that I danced, painted, and sang my own songs. I do not need to be the best at anything I do- I simply must be myself as I do it. Never before has anyone been me, nor will anyone ever be. I am unprecedented, unduplicated, and a remarkable work of art simply because of who I am. Thank You, Father, for making me who I am.

  Almost two years ago my sister and I went on a ten-day Caribbean cruise. We saw a lot of beautiful places, but what I want to talk about for a moment for the places that were not so beautiful. The dirty places, the sad places, the broken places…the places where the bus won’t stop.   Because we were traveling with my grandmother and her then-boyfriend, we didn’t go boogie boarding, scuba dive with sting rays, or go off-roading on four wheelers or anything like that. We went on lots of bus tours, which were air-conditioned, full of information, and relatively interesting most of the time. I always kept my sunglasses on in case I fell asleep, though.   But the day we were in Costa Rica there was something different about the bus tour. As the bus driver wove his way quickly through city streets to get us to the scenic routes where he could point out incredible, enormous bird nests, I watched the streets below us. They were filthy, the sidewalks literally stacked with gar...

  Sometimes you have to do one or two little things to make yourself feel special again, to remind yourself that no matter how confused you may feel inside and no matter how thin you may be stretched, this will all fade into the background someday.   Sometimes you need to take a step back and put the moment into perspective. Stress will ease, the questions you hold will become less difficult.   Sometimes you need to remind yourself to value the little things. Sometimes you need to count your blessings, remember the simple things in life that make you happy and help you feel valuable and human.   Today, for me, this looks like wearing my softest sweater, painting my nails a color I really like, and buying two songs that have slipped amongst my favorites. Little things, but things nonetheless that will have me singing happily.   My Father loves me, and my true joy is found in Him. Sometimes I need to run back to my Father’s embrace and thank Him unceasingly, and that above all is wh...

I’ve been writing a lot of songs lately. I feel like we all go through different places in our lives where we wrestle with things, and we try to find definition and conclusion and closure. We try to pin down the pieces and make them fall into line and make sense, but often the things that go on in life do not add up. Often how we feel does not add up.   And that’s ok.   For me, writing songs is a way to communicate, but it’s also a way to think through what I’m feeling. It’s my therapy, it’s my sounding board. I will write a line and then think, “No, that isn’t right- I don’t really feel that way,” or “I shouldn’t say that, that’s not what my attitude towards this should be.”   Jamie T. of  To Write Love On Her Arms once said, “I wish I could write her a song, because songs don’t wait to resolve.” I feel like this is true to me- I find resolution through songs, as though in some way I a...

January 1st, 2011:  It’s the first day of a new year, and like the first page of a blank book I get to decide what will be said, what will be written. I am not in control of what goes on in the world, but I am in control of what goes on in my head, and just as important, what I let out of myself and out into the world.   I can speak encouragement instead of negativity, and I can give love instead of judgement. I can seek to grow the world in beauty, instead of complaining of it’s ugliness. I hope and pray that I will do this.   While we often make resolutions to lose weight, save money, or read more books- and while these are all good things- I believe we can do great things. I believe we can change the world, and I believe that we can start changing the world today.   When I was young I planned to grow up, get rich, live in a big house and donate lots of money to starving people. I wanted to be noble in giving my money to those who really needed it, but now that I really am...

  I wrote a song a few years ago called “Don’t Settle.” I wrote it for a friend of mine who had previously been planning on committing suicide. It is one of the only songs I’ve written that I felt came with a tune- the words came easily, and a tune came with them. It is one of the few songs I’ve written that I know God gave to me; He sang it to me softly and I simply wrote it down and remembered it.   Lately I have thought of perhaps revising the verses a little, but the chorus I will not change. It was the first piece that God gave me, and it is perfect. It goes like this:   “Don’t settle, please don’t give up Fight for only the true and beautiful Fight for only the true and beautiful Don’t settle, please don’t give up Fight for only the truth, I’ll fight for you I’ll fight for you.”   It was the cry of my heart for my friend, and I believe it is the cry of God’s heart for His children. I know that it is what I want Him to sing to me now, as I am reminding myself not to settle, not to...