Sarah Anne I Am

January 1st, 2011:  It’s the first day of a new year, and like the first page of a blank book I get to decide what will be said, what will be written. I am not in control of what goes on in the world, but I am in control of what goes on in my head, and just as important, what I let out of myself and out into the world.   I can speak encouragement instead of negativity, and I can give love instead of judgement. I can seek to grow the world in beauty, instead of complaining of it’s ugliness. I hope and pray that I will do this.   While we often make resolutions to lose weight, save money, or read more books- and while these are all good things- I believe we can do great things. I believe we can change the world, and I believe that we can start changing the world today.   When I was young I planned to grow up, get rich, live in a big house and donate lots of money to starving people. I wanted to be noble in giving my money to those who really needed it, but now that I really am a grown-up

  I wrote a song a few years ago called “Don’t Settle.” I wrote it for a friend of mine who had previously been planning on committing suicide. It is one of the only songs I’ve written that I felt came with a tune- the words came easily, and a tune came with them. It is one of the few songs I’ve written that I know God gave to me; He sang it to me softly and I simply wrote it down and remembered it.   Lately I have thought of perhaps revising the verses a little, but the chorus I will not change. It was the first piece that God gave me, and it is perfect. It goes like this:   “Don’t settle, please don’t give up Fight for only the true and beautiful Fight for only the true and beautiful Don’t settle, please don’t give up Fight for only the truth, I’ll fight for you I’ll fight for you.”   It was the cry of my heart for my friend, and I believe it is the cry of God’s heart for His children. I know that it is what I want Him to sing to me now, as I am reminding myself not to settle, not to

(Written December 20th, 2010)   Literally about three minutes ago I was rinsing an apple off and thinking to myself, “Don’t you hate it when you’re hungry, and you just keep eating…but you’re still hungry?” I turned the water off, grabbed a knife, and turned to the cutting board.   A suggestion entered my mind- not really a thought, but a suggestion, “What if you asked God to satisfy you?”   It was one of those moments when I casually say, “Holy Spirit! What’s up? Nice of you to show up, but I didn’t really ask your opinion on this, I was just talking to myself.” I was about to dismiss the suggestion, when the Holy Spirit said a little more insistently, “No, really- what if you asked God to satisfy you?”   The apple was on the cutting board, the knife in my hand. I lifted the knife to slice the apple- I was hungry, and I wanted something to eat.   “What if it worked?”   I abruptly walked away from the counter, set the apple back in the fruit basket, put the knife away, and said to myse

"I don’t know whether or not my story- or rather, stories- are worth writing down, but I think ‘maybe.’ And ‘maybe’ is better than ‘no.’ 'Maybe' is the language of hope. I have hope.

  Things are confusing sometimes. You think you’re over something, someone, and you message your nearest and dearest friends about how great it is to put an old wound to bed, or work through a problem, or let go of those memories. And then things happen, and you feel like you’re back at square one with no road map, no idea where to start, and all the old feelings you thought you’d gotten rid of or outgrown.   I’ve been feeling that way lately. It was almost a year ago that I could smile and I say I was over something. Now, just in the past week or so, I’ve felt like I’m right back where I was before, when I couldn’t listen to certain songs without my stomach tensing, when I couldn’t look at certain photos without getting either excited or nauseous, when so many little things reminded me of it.   That’s where I am right now. Everything is reminding me that there is still something here to be resolved. I don’t know what it is, because I thought this was all neatly put away and filed unde

  I personally am not someone who has any great number of conspiracy theories. Yes, when a sudden Swine Flu epidemic broke out shortly after Obama was elected as president, I did wonder if the man-made disease had been released on-command.   But come on, when it comes to Obama, politics, and the American government, I am most certainly not the only suspicious person around.   There are lots of conspiracy theories, like the ones you learn about when you watch National Treasure. But the kind of conspiracy theories I’m prone to come up with are slightly less political and exciting.   I tend to watch my sister take a long drink from MY glass of water, and then say suddenly, “I see what you’re doing! You’re passive-aggressively trying to kill me by drinking my water, and slowly removing everything I need to live!” This is the sort of comment that leads to my sister’s laughter and to jokes about being passive-aggressive between a ninth grade boy and I, as he is constantly asking me for water