Prior to this pregnancy, I would have chosen invisibility as my superpower, had a superpower been offered to me. Now, however, I am rethinking that choice.
See, somehow that specific combination of my I-always-knew-as-a-child-I-was-destined-to-be-a-fairy genetics and my husbands I-wish-I-was-a-vulcan genetics has produced a baby with the apparent ability to turn himself invisible. What’s more, his ability is so strong, that he can actually turn ME invisible while he is currently encased in my sore, loving womb.
This has been an incredible and eye-opening experience.
More specifically, I have learned that being invisible sucks.
People run into you all the time. Sometimes with heavy objects, like shopping carts or themselves. I have nearly been hit by a car more times in the past 7 months than the first 21 years of my life. What’s more, I’m actually more careful now- especially around motor vehicles- than I have ever been. While I once ran across six lanes of traffic hoping I was faster than the oncoming cars, I now wait tirelessly for walk signs at crosswalks.
As my child grows, so do his powers. I think the invisibility is strongest around my stomach, because people don’t even seem to realize it is protruding about a foot in front of me. They elbow it or swing their purse into it with wild abandon. One woman even rested her arm against my stomach while pouring herself a glass of lemonade, as though my stomach were a conveniently located lemonade-pouring armrest.
In case you weren’t sure, it is just really, really weird to be comfortable leaning against a stranger’s stomach.
When things like this happen, I often just stare at the offending party, speechless and incredulous. My stare does not correct them, of course, because they can’t see me staring. Sometimes I am so shocked that I laugh, which I’m sure creeps people out a great deal, seeing as I am invisible and all of the sudden there’s the sound of dumbfounded laughter coming from that bump in the air that they just ran into.
So if I were offered the superpower of my choice, I think I would just ask for the ability to control the superpowers of my children. That way when some new, strange things begins happening during a future pregnancy, I’ll be able to do something about it.
I personally am not someone who has any great number of conspiracy theories. Yes, when a sudden Swine Flu epidemic broke out shortly after Obama was elected as president, I did wonder if the man-made disease had been released on-command. But come on, when it comes to Obama, politics, and the American government, I am most certainly not the only suspicious person around. There are lots of conspiracy theories, like the ones you learn about when you watch National Treasure. But the kind of conspiracy theories I’m prone to come up with are slightly less political and exciting. I tend to watch my sister take a long drink from MY glass of water, and then say suddenly, “I see what you’re doing! You’re passive-aggressively trying to kill me by drinking my water, and slowly removing everything I need to live!” This is the sort of comment that leads to my sister’s laughter and to jokes about being passive-aggressive between a ninth grade boy and I, as he is constantly asking me for water...
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