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Be in the picture

  I always feel a little weird posting selfies, especially the infamous bathroom mirror pics. But there's a reason that I do. 

  I post plenty of pictures of my kids. And Arthur is in those pictures frequently, because I'm usually the one taking the picture. But often I'm too busy taking the picture to be in the picture, or I don't want to be because I don't want records of how I look in this season. And that's ridiculous. 

  How vain and unfair of me to not be in a picture with my kids because I think I'm not the right size- when they look back at photos from this time in their life, I want them to see the fun I had with them. I want them to see the times I held them when they slept, split a frozen yogurt with them, and yes, all the times I just loved the way I looked with them in my arms so I snapped a picture in the mirror.

  They will see other things, too- the things that too often keep me from taking those photos in the first place. They will see greasy hair in an actually-messy-not-cute-messy bun. They will see tank tops that are stretched out from pregnancy and no longer fit right, blemishes brought on my my ever-shifting hormones, cups of coffee forgotten on the dresser in the background. They will see that our apartment was almost always a complete mess. They will see me at different weights and in different shapes, sometimes well-dressed and sometimes disheveled and exhausted. 

  But see, that is why I am taking these pictures- because I WANT them to see these things. I want them to see real life, real parenthood, the gut-wrenching and the glorious. I want them to see that I was not always perfect, not always beautiful, not always happy. Because life is not a square on Instagram or a diaper ad. Life is messy. Life is hard. And life is so, so much better than the idea of perfection we try to pretend we've achieved.

  In my brokenness Christ's mercies are revealed. 

  I hope they look at some of these pictures and say, "Mama, you look tired," so that I can tell them, "I was tired. I was so tired. And you know what? The Holy Spirit got me through that day just like He got me through every tired day, because He is all I need. And even when I was tired, I was so, so thankful for you, and I wouldn't change a single thing."

  And because there will be messy parts, the beautiful parts will be more striking. 

  I hope they look at some of these pictures and say, "Mama, we look really happy," so I can tell them, "We were really happy. That was a normal day. Things were still hard. There were dirty diapers on the floor that day and I hadn't taken a shower, and look- we were so, so happy! Because our joy comes from the Lord, and He is so good to us. He blessed us with that wonderful, beautiful time together and we were so thankful."

  I don't want all the pictures from this season of their childhood to be of them. I want photos of messy living rooms, photos of the vacation luggage that I stayed up til 4am packing, photos of when their Daddy falls asleep on the floor playing with them after a long day at work, photos of when Mama has dark circles under her eyes. 
Photos of the grand birthday parties I spent months preparing for, yes, but also of the days when nothing extraordinary seems to be happening. I want us all to be able to look back at the good parts, and at the hard parts, because often they overlap, and really, it is all worth remembering. There is something to learned from the beautiful and the messy. There is something to be thankful for in every season.

  Because this life that God has given us, it is beautiful.

  Mamas, please let me encourage you to be in the picture. You don't have to share it with the internet. Just make sure those photos exist- you, messy and imperfect and beautiful and strong and loving. Someday I'm confident we will look back at these photos of ourselves and think, "I was doing great." We might still see the baby weight and the dirty hair, but we will see the strength that we often overlook in our reflection right now. We will see the fierce love we have for our families. And yes, I think that we will even see beauty.

  Be in the picture.

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