Once upon a time I saw an email in my inbox titled "Before Baby- Life List." Assuming it was from one of the pregnancy websites I'd wandered onto and that I was about to view a checklist of things to get done before your baby is born- set up the crib, buy diapers, etc.- I clicked the link.
Ironically, however, it was from a newlyweds site and the link took me to a checklist of things my new husband and I "should have" done before getting pregnant. I discovered this while sitting in the waiting room of our birth center waiting for our appointment with our midwife, but was curious to see what the list said.
When I first read this list we had been married for seven months and I was six months pregnant with Judah. We have now been married for two-and-a-half years and Judah is 20 months old while Clara is nearly two months old.
So, here it is! The list, and my thoughts on the list.
(Please note: I tried so, so hard not be painfully cynical and sarcastic. It broke through in places with the intent of being funny. I’m sorry if I’m a little blunt, however.)
1. Purchase your dream car. Gosh, if we'd done this, we wouldn't have had kids till we were forty. Or fifty.
2. Buy a home. Not a bad idea, really. We want to buy a home in the next few years, but of course, we'll need to buy something with extra room for the extra kids that will come with time.
3. Take at least one dream vacation. I always thought that if I didn't make it to Europe pre-children, I might never see Europe. But Arthur's parents took all five of their kids to London for a week, (en-route to a mission trip, I think) so obviously it's possible!
4. Take a cross-country road trip. We planned to do this, actually. We wanted to see the Grand Canyon on our way to visit his grandparents some summer. Now that we have two under two, we've decided that we'll still do the trip in a year or two. The grandparents will only be more excited to have us visit if we bring their great-grandkids with us.
5. Go to Disneyland and act like kids. Arthur would love to do this. I think it will be more fun with kids. Our compromise was to wait till we had both a little money and a few days off, and if we didn't have kids- go anyways! If we did have kids, take them!
6. Establish your career. Another great suggestion. Of course, no matter how established you are, there's always the chance you'll be laid off suddenly. Watching my dad responsibly handle that and pursue finding another job when I was growing up provided me with a great example, as well.
7. Decide whether you want to be a stay-at-home-mom. This one was easy for us, since I decided this when I was still a child.
8. Have crazy, carefree sex. Arthur and I both laughed at this and said sarcastically, "Right, because you can't do that after kids!" Sex, like the rest of your relationship, can be something that gets better with time. Disclaimer: Also may lead to babies. So, you know, maybe do all the other stuff on this list first. If you're taking this list seriously, that is.
9. Address any problems in your relationship. I scoffed at this. There will ALWAYS be SOME "problems" and areas that need work! And it is GREAT for your kids to get to see you working through those things together.
10. Discuss how you want to raise your child. Do this before you get married. Continue to do this after you're married. Continue to do this throughout pregnancy, and as you raise your child! There is a lot to talk about, and clearly communicating with one another about how you plan to support each other in parenting is important!
11. Be spontaneous. You can be spontaneous post-kid, it just takes an hour to get out the door. But in your post-kid life, that will still count as spontaneous, so it won’t seem like a problem.
12. Enjoy an all-nighter. WRONG. NO. SLEEP. You’ll get plenty of all-nighters with babies, teething toddlers, sick kids, and during vacations when they all decide to sleep with you but no one actually sleeps.
13. Invite a friend's child to spend the night. But just know that babysitting someone else’s kid doesn’t REALLY give you an accurate gauge of what it’s like to have your own kid. Because you will love your own kid so very much that the hard stuff and the gross stuff won’t be as hard or as gross as it can be with someone else’s kid.
14. Enjoy Saturday afternoon movie marathons- at the movie theater. Watching The Lion King on repeat, in bed, in your pajamas, surrounded by crackers and raisins, with a tiny person cuddled up with you is just as fun. Plus, bathroom breaks don’t cause you to miss the plot, because you’ve already watched The Lion King fifteen times that week.
15. Start and finish any major home renovation projects. With all that money you have left over after buying your dream car and going on your dream vacation(s). Or, teach your kids how to be handy with a hammer.
16. Get rid of the clutter. Baby clutter is cuter, anyways, so you’ll need room for all of that.
17. Enjoy weekly nights out with your friends. Or your spouse. Preferably your spouse. Friends are so wonderful to have, but your spouse is the one you’ll be raising a child with and spending the rest of your life with. If there’s one human relationship you should put extra time into before baby, it’s your marriage.
18. Relocate to your dream city. Just in case you were doing this in order, you should probably do this BEFORE you buy a house.
19. Make a list of books you want to read...and then read them. This I must agree with. Skip Netflix. Netflix will get you through early labor and late-night nursing and rocking your baby to sleep. Read while you have your hands free.
20. Have at least one big adventure. People, there is no adventure quite so big or quite so grand as having a baby. You can climb all the mountains you want; a baby will rock your world like nothing else.
21. Spend an entire day with each set of your grandparents. This is, in general, a really sweet idea. Even sweeter when it includes showing off the human you just made.
22. Enjoy a splurge. Money isn’t everything. Anything can be a “splurge”, guys, it’s all about how you view it. Plus, stop spending all this money on stuff! Babies are expensive! SAVE!
23. Become a yogi, master kick-boxing, or run a half-marathon. But don’t ever think that becoming a parent means it’s too late to master something new or accomplish something big. Because your kids should see you learning and taking on challenges. Even better, be like my husband’s family and all learn karate together. Earning black belts as a family is pretty cool
.
24. Spend time alone together on a boat (or just take a cruise together.) Why a boat? I don’t understand. Babies repel boats? I don’t understand.
25. Perform a random act of kindness. Be intentional about it. Later, once you have a baby, just walking around with a cute baby will be a random act of kindness to people everywhere. Trust me. SOOO many stranger interactions and adoring smiles coming your way.
26. Plan and host a surprise party. Seriously, who wrote this list? What even? Side note: Your whole life is a surprise party when you have kids. Or at least the surprise part.
27. Save a 12-month emergency fund. Definitely try to do this one.
28. Kiss under a waterfall. BECAUSE ALL THE WATERFALLS DRY UP AFTER YOU BECOME A PARENT AND THE POLICE CHECK TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T TRY TO KISS UNDER ONE, GUYS.
29. Go camping. If you like camping, sure! If you don’t like camping, go ahead and skip this. It’s not actually a necessary step to becoming a parent.
30. Take a cooking class together. Or just try all those recipes on your Pinterest.
31. Go to at least one major sporting event. Unless you don’t want to.
32. Wear your most expensive clothing as often as possible. Unless it is just ridiculously expensive yoga pants. Then scratch this and start wearing out your high heels and silks.
33. Take a career risk. Nothing says “Responsible and ready to support a family” like risking it all. Although yeah, I guess if you're going to take a crazy risk pre-baby is the best time.
34. Develop a hobby. Yes. I think this should be taught much earlier in life, but by all means, if you haven’t yet, go develop a hobby. Preferably something cheap/free that you can do while sitting on the living room floor. You think I’m kidding- I’m not. You can paint/read/sing/play guitar/do yoga almost anywhere. Golf? Not so much.
35. Turn your extra bedroom into something fun...before it becomes a nursery. A nursery is so fun. Have you seen all the cute baby stuff that exists in the world? My gosh.
36. Do something outrageously nice for your parents. Like giving them a grandchild. No, wait, maybe something else...like buying them THEIR dream car with all this money you have. Or sending them to spend time on a boat. Just remind them not to kiss under waterfalls- they are parents, after all.
37. Make a list of all the restaurants and bars you've been meaning to check out- and go. I totally think this is a great idea. Anything you don’t check off the list pre-baby can become pre-planned date destinations.
38. Savor every moment of alone time. And also every moment of sleep. Although I gotta tell you, I think I savor my alone time with Arthur (and my sleep) so much more now that we do have kids. Before babies, we had so much time to ourselves. Now, all it takes is the kids being asleep at the same time and it feels like a date. It’s so much more precious and wonderful now.
39. Enjoy leisurely, boozy Sunday brunches. Unless you’re a ministry family. Then maybe enjoy leisurely, not-so-boozy-just-more-on-the-careful-side Saturday brunches.
In summation, these are not bad things to do. There's nothing wrong with doing these things. However, please don't view having a baby as this inconvenient thing that is going to make it impossible for you to do all the fun stuff you want to do. That's a rather selfish view on things, in my opinion.
My life isn't purely for my own pleasure- I am here to glorify God. And I am certainly capable of glorifying God while having babies and raising kids, even though we only did MAYBE seven of these things before we had our first child. Funny, but even without owning my dream car or having built a career, I am able to glorify God and mother my children well.
Although I am a little bummed that we never kissed under a waterfall, because now we will never be able to. Maybe if we see a waterfall we'll try it and report back to you concerning how quickly the water dries up mid-fall and/or the police arrive.
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