Skip to main content

How to Fool People into Thinking Your Music Video is Good

Step 1: Give them a little taste of something familiar. Perhaps use a scene so reminiscent of the year 1999 that it is practically the cover of the Backstreet Boys “Millenium” album come to life. Be sure to appear out of thin air and have some box fans built into the wall behind you for unneccesary effect.

Step 2: Start slow. Begin the song by talking. It really doesn’t matter what you say, as long as your hair is a foot tall while you’re saying it, and it builds into actual singing while you use flashy hand motions at the exact same moment.

Step 3: Wear lots of outfits. Make sure you give your audience an opportunity to see you wearing a white space suit, black leather with enough chains and grommets to build a chainsaw out of, and something you think the typical high school student would wear- just to be relatable.

Step 4: Feature a nice car. It’s ok if the car has no bearing on the video whatsoever, just step out of it or sit in front of it for a few seconds here and there.

Step 5: Have some backing vocals. Preferably female, if you’re a boy band.

Step 6: Get the right combination of band members. You’ll need The Blonde One, The Brunette One, The Ethnic One, The One with Too Much Make-up, and The Lead. (The Lead can be pretty much anyone, as long as they know how to spike their hair, use hand gestures, and raise their eyebrows.)

Step 7: Scene is everything. Be sure to feature cliche teen-scene shots- such as a bedroom with lots of posters, a skate park, high school hallways, or chilling in alleys with brick walls and attractive lighting. Editing in little things like sound waves coming from the speakers of a stereo are always a plus, as well.

Step 8: Abdomens are in. So if you have a bro with a nice one, be sure to feature him shirtless for a few seconds. Now, you want to keep this PG, so be sure to keep his pants pulled up and maybe clothe him in a discreet vest or unzipped hooded sweatshirt during these shots.

Step 9: Be classic. Some things never get old, so use lots of headshots, varying backgrounds, cliche dance moves, hair dye, poor lip synching, and show clips of supposed fangirls dancing along.

Step 10: Use a number in your band name. Seriously, just do it. Nothing says sincere, down-to-earth, real guys like using a numeral in place of the English language.

Step 11: Lyrical content. FOOLED YOU! This doesn’t matter at all. As long as you follow my fool-proof advice above, no one should be listening to the words anyways. You can sing about never saying never (even though you just did, twice), the days of the week, Facebook, or even stepping into hot lava.

  Well, there you have it! Now you know how to fool people into thinking that your music video is good when it actually causes temporary mental paralysis. If you need any further inspiration, watch THIS VIDEO which brilliantly models everything I’ve just taught you.
  Now, go forth and create!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

22. What Makes You Different?

First of all, I was created unique from anyone who has ever lived or ever will live. Also, I like to make up really strange dance moves. Dancing horribly is something I am remarkably good at. I have treed a squirrel. Like, without the help of a hunting dog- just treed it on my own. I chased it for a few minutes, chirping at it in what I hoped was a macho-squirrel manner, until it finally became afraid for it’s life. I can sing like a male opera singer. Quite well, believe it or not. It’s surprisingly addictive, and when I start doing it subconsciously in public places things can get very awkward very fast. However, it takes a lot to embarass me. I try to make a habit or embarassing myself regularly enough that embarassment doesn’t put a damper on my day. I have this wonderful ability to talk in a very annoying, squeaky voice- lots of people can do this, but I can laugh in that voice, and the sound of it makes me laugh harder, and so forth. It’s great. I can go fr...

Conspiracy Theories

  I personally am not someone who has any great number of conspiracy theories. Yes, when a sudden Swine Flu epidemic broke out shortly after Obama was elected as president, I did wonder if the man-made disease had been released on-command.   But come on, when it comes to Obama, politics, and the American government, I am most certainly not the only suspicious person around.   There are lots of conspiracy theories, like the ones you learn about when you watch National Treasure. But the kind of conspiracy theories I’m prone to come up with are slightly less political and exciting.   I tend to watch my sister take a long drink from MY glass of water, and then say suddenly, “I see what you’re doing! You’re passive-aggressively trying to kill me by drinking my water, and slowly removing everything I need to live!” This is the sort of comment that leads to my sister’s laughter and to jokes about being passive-aggressive between a ninth grade boy and I, as he is constantly asking me for water...
I love you so much, and I am completely devoted to you, and I know that you’re the man God had for me to marry- BUT, even if none of that was true, there are still hundreds of good reasons for me to marry you. And this fudge is two of them. My eternal thankfulness when Arthur made me fudge