Prior to this pregnancy, I would have chosen invisibility as my superpower, had a superpower been offered to me. Now, however, I am rethinking that choice.
See, somehow that specific combination of my I-always-knew-as-a-child-I-was-destined-to-be-a-fairy genetics and my husbands I-wish-I-was-a-vulcan genetics has produced a baby with the apparent ability to turn himself invisible. What’s more, his ability is so strong, that he can actually turn ME invisible while he is currently encased in my sore, loving womb.
This has been an incredible and eye-opening experience.
More specifically, I have learned that being invisible sucks.
People run into you all the time. Sometimes with heavy objects, like shopping carts or themselves. I have nearly been hit by a car more times in the past 7 months than the first 21 years of my life. What’s more, I’m actually more careful now- especially around motor vehicles- than I have ever been. While I once ran across six lanes of traffic hoping I was faster than the oncoming cars, I now wait tirelessly for walk signs at crosswalks.
As my child grows, so do his powers. I think the invisibility is strongest around my stomach, because people don’t even seem to realize it is protruding about a foot in front of me. They elbow it or swing their purse into it with wild abandon. One woman even rested her arm against my stomach while pouring herself a glass of lemonade, as though my stomach were a conveniently located lemonade-pouring armrest.
In case you weren’t sure, it is just really, really weird to be comfortable leaning against a stranger’s stomach.
When things like this happen, I often just stare at the offending party, speechless and incredulous. My stare does not correct them, of course, because they can’t see me staring. Sometimes I am so shocked that I laugh, which I’m sure creeps people out a great deal, seeing as I am invisible and all of the sudden there’s the sound of dumbfounded laughter coming from that bump in the air that they just ran into.
So if I were offered the superpower of my choice, I think I would just ask for the ability to control the superpowers of my children. That way when some new, strange things begins happening during a future pregnancy, I’ll be able to do something about it.
First of all, I was created unique from anyone who has ever lived or ever will live. Also, I like to make up really strange dance moves. Dancing horribly is something I am remarkably good at. I have treed a squirrel. Like, without the help of a hunting dog- just treed it on my own. I chased it for a few minutes, chirping at it in what I hoped was a macho-squirrel manner, until it finally became afraid for it’s life. I can sing like a male opera singer. Quite well, believe it or not. It’s surprisingly addictive, and when I start doing it subconsciously in public places things can get very awkward very fast. However, it takes a lot to embarass me. I try to make a habit or embarassing myself regularly enough that embarassment doesn’t put a damper on my day. I have this wonderful ability to talk in a very annoying, squeaky voice- lots of people can do this, but I can laugh in that voice, and the sound of it makes me laugh harder, and so forth. It’s great. I can go fr...
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