Skip to main content

How to Fool People into Thinking Your Music Video is Good

Step 1: Give them a little taste of something familiar. Perhaps use a scene so reminiscent of the year 1999 that it is practically the cover of the Backstreet Boys “Millenium” album come to life. Be sure to appear out of thin air and have some box fans built into the wall behind you for unneccesary effect.

Step 2: Start slow. Begin the song by talking. It really doesn’t matter what you say, as long as your hair is a foot tall while you’re saying it, and it builds into actual singing while you use flashy hand motions at the exact same moment.

Step 3: Wear lots of outfits. Make sure you give your audience an opportunity to see you wearing a white space suit, black leather with enough chains and grommets to build a chainsaw out of, and something you think the typical high school student would wear- just to be relatable.

Step 4: Feature a nice car. It’s ok if the car has no bearing on the video whatsoever, just step out of it or sit in front of it for a few seconds here and there.

Step 5: Have some backing vocals. Preferably female, if you’re a boy band.

Step 6: Get the right combination of band members. You’ll need The Blonde One, The Brunette One, The Ethnic One, The One with Too Much Make-up, and The Lead. (The Lead can be pretty much anyone, as long as they know how to spike their hair, use hand gestures, and raise their eyebrows.)

Step 7: Scene is everything. Be sure to feature cliche teen-scene shots- such as a bedroom with lots of posters, a skate park, high school hallways, or chilling in alleys with brick walls and attractive lighting. Editing in little things like sound waves coming from the speakers of a stereo are always a plus, as well.

Step 8: Abdomens are in. So if you have a bro with a nice one, be sure to feature him shirtless for a few seconds. Now, you want to keep this PG, so be sure to keep his pants pulled up and maybe clothe him in a discreet vest or unzipped hooded sweatshirt during these shots.

Step 9: Be classic. Some things never get old, so use lots of headshots, varying backgrounds, cliche dance moves, hair dye, poor lip synching, and show clips of supposed fangirls dancing along.

Step 10: Use a number in your band name. Seriously, just do it. Nothing says sincere, down-to-earth, real guys like using a numeral in place of the English language.

Step 11: Lyrical content. FOOLED YOU! This doesn’t matter at all. As long as you follow my fool-proof advice above, no one should be listening to the words anyways. You can sing about never saying never (even though you just did, twice), the days of the week, Facebook, or even stepping into hot lava.

  Well, there you have it! Now you know how to fool people into thinking that your music video is good when it actually causes temporary mental paralysis. If you need any further inspiration, watch THIS VIDEO which brilliantly models everything I’ve just taught you.
  Now, go forth and create!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I love you so much, and I am completely devoted to you, and I know that you’re the man God had for me to marry- BUT, even if none of that was true, there are still hundreds of good reasons for me to marry you. And this fudge is two of them. My eternal thankfulness when Arthur made me fudge

Pause Before You Post: Representing yourself responsibly and honestly online

  When I was about eleven years old I went to summer camp for the first time. Before my sister and I left, my mother talked to us about something. She explained that we needed to mindful of our behavior at camp, not only because it is important to be kind and respectful, but also because we would be a representation of both our family and Christ to the people around us. That stuck with me.   Now, with so many of us daily browsing and posting to social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and blogs such as this, our representation is no longer limited to the people we are around in person- it is far-reaching, even global at times. It is certainly a far more widespread representation of yourself to post on the internet than it is to say something in person; on the internet, the dozens or hundreds of people you are connected with may see it. That is an enormous audience.   I feel very strongly that we need to be mindful of that audience, of that re...
Sometimes I look at other girls and wonder how they get such perfect curls in their hair. Then I remember that they get up early and curl it. I just get up late, squint at the mirror, and say “Please be curly, please be curly!” Well, THERE’S your problem.