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The Adventure of Raising a Toddler


  Some people talk about having kids as though it sucks all of the excitement out of life. To those people I say, go ahead, take my two kids under the age of two to Costco by yourself. You'll see. My life is anything but dull.

  Sure, I may not be hiking to breathtaking views, exploring foriegn countries, or cliff diving. But I wasn't really doing those things before kids, anyways. I'm more of a paint-breathtaking-views/explore-nearby-parks/scared-of-the-diving-board sort of girl.

  Anyways. Back to the adventure of raising children.

  Have you heard of toddlers? It's not an exact age, but more of a developmental range during which a child is no longer a baby, but not exactly old enough to paint breathtaking views with you. The toddler life is a crazy life. There should be a reality TV show about it. Not about beauty pageants at that age, that show already exists, but just a camera crew following a toddler around in it's natural habitat.

  Seriously. I'd watch that. For any parent it would be the perfect combination of drama, comedy, and horror. "IS HE GOING TO SMASH HIS EYE INTO THE CORNER OF THE COFFEE TABLE?!?! OH MY GOSH. THAT WAS TOO CLOSE. PULL THE HAT UP FROM OVER YOUR EYES AND STOP EATING PLAYDOUGH! WHY ARE YOU WEARING SUSPENDERS WITH YOUR PADDED TRAINING UNDERWEAR?!"

  Whether you have a toddler, have successfully raised children beyond the toddler stage, or aren't there yet, here's a peek into the past week of my life. Either you will find it hilarious, or you will think I'm a lunatic for thinking my life is hilarious.

  But it is hilarious. You don't have to get it. Just trust me.



  Act One: Judah, and his interactions with his baby sister.  

  Judah loves Clara. I mean, he really adores her. Because of that, he looks for ways to help take care of her, share with her, and generally shower her with affection.

  One can often find him clibing half-way into her carseat, on top of her, in an attempt to give her a kiss. If she happens to be sleeping when he does this and is scared awake by his sweet gesture, he cries sympathetically with her as he rocks her carseat gently and says, "I know, I know," and sings "Sleep, baby, sleep" to her in his darling little toddler voice.

   As Judah has a deep love for food, which we will further discuss in my next post, sharing food with Clara is one of the most generous and loving things he could do. Never mind that she is only three months old, nurses exclusively, and has no teeth with which to chew- Judah shares, regardless.

  Recently he successfully got a tiny piece of food in her mouth without me noticing, which was discovered hours later by the volunteers in the church nursery. (It was small enough that it wasn't even close to a choking hazard, don't worry.) It was one of those great moments when I felt like the most attentive mom in the world. Not.

  So I find myself saying things like, "Clara never eats onions," after finding piece of raw, chopped onion lined up alongside her face, having been generously plucked from Judah's meal and placed at a handy location for Clara's snacking convenience.

  Judah also likes to ontroduce Clara to the world around her, and often shows her things by putting them directly on her face. Books, for example. Dolls he places on her chest so she can play with them more easily. Forks he holds dangerously near her face so she can see the Spiderman graphic. I find myself shouting things like, "CLARA DOESN'T WANT THAT FORK!" as I sprint across the room. I may not look like I exercise, but trust me, I do. When was the last time you were in a life-or-baby's-eye-poked-with-a-fork situation? THAT'S an adrenaline rush.
 
  The life of a baby is relatively mundane, as they are largely immobile and cannot get themselves toys. Judah, having recently been a baby himself, is sympathetic to this problem and thoughtfully provides Clara with toys on a regular basis. Even when she's sleeping. Even though putting a bath toy UNDER her while she's sleeping doesn't seem that helpful.

  Being a big brother is quite good for Judah. He is learning a lot- how to share, what not to share, and other helpful life lessons that I fervently impart, such as, "We NEVER use tools on people. People don't need to be fixed with tools. You can fix furniture, but NEVER fix Clara."



Next: We learn why my carpet is soggy, and more.


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