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Misadventures in Eating

  In my first post about the adventurous life of raising a toddler, we learned about Judah's devotion to his baby sister Clara. We will now take a look at Judah's many food-related antics. Or rather, his food-related antics during the past week- to relate all of the hilarious things he's done while eating/trying to eat/wanting to eat/thinking about eating would fill the equivalent of a Russian novel.


  Act Two: Judah, misadventures involving hunger, food, and eating things. 

  Sometimes Judah gets hungry. By "sometimes" I mean "90% of his waking hours". Consequently he has learned to open the fridge, and often helps himself to it's contents.

  For example, if he's thirsty, he might accidentally dump the entire pitcher of water on the floor. He will then realize his mistake and try to clean it up by applying pressure to blot it up. Or, in toddler terms, stomping on it. But as he is not even two years old yet, he may forget to lay a towel down. So he essentially just goes puddle jumping on the soggy dining room carpet.

  Or if he wants eggs for breakfast, he might carefully take 11 eggs out of the egg carton and place them all on the kitchen floor. (He only broke two. Frankly, I'm impressed.) By the time I actually cook the eggs, eggs will no longer sound appetizing, perhaps because they've been on the flour-strewn kitchen floor.

  Why is there flour sprinkled across the kitchen floor, you ask? Well, we forgot to put it away, so naturally Judah grabbed a handful and brought it to me to ask if he could eat it. Because he loves to eat flour. Obviously.

  Occasionally he tries to motivate me to cook by emptying kitchen drawers and bringing me the contents. "So, you're bringing all the measuring cups and putting them on the bed?" "Yes."

  Often overheard in our home are snippets of conversation such as the following:

"What are you eating?"
"Cannels."
"Judah, don't eat candles."

"What's in your mouth?"
"Cork."
"Corks don't go in your mouth, you know that."

"Milk? Milk please?"
"That's chicken broth. Put that back in the fridge."

"Chih sau wings?"
"No, chicken sausage doesn't have wings."

  Once he finally gets his hands on some food (we feed him regularly, I swear) he likes to keep himself clean. Which is why he may carefully wipe pizza sauce off of his hands. On my white sheets. Sorry, I meant to say my formerly-white sheets.

  There are some things he's not allowed to have, and he knows that. Such as coffee. In which case he might settle for dumping my iced coffee all over the front of his shirt as we are literally about to walk out the door, rather than drinking it. Maybe he's hoping to absorb some of the caffeine through his skin. Because, as you can tell, he definitely needs more energy.

  Due to the fact that my toddler eats more than some adults, we go grocery shopping on a regular basis, but due to the fact that Judah has yet to understand the concept of purchasing things, he went ahead a took a bite of an orange that we had not yet paid for. And so we found ourselves in the checkout line smelling suspiciously of orange zest as my child chewed determinedly on the chunk of peel in his mouth.


  Are you impatiently waiting more tales of this crazy, adventurous life of mine? Don't worry.

  Next up: Act Three, in which Judah lives out the full crazy of toddlerhood


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