I just realized that my last few posts have enumerated many of the less-than-delightful side effects of pregnancy.
So I want to take a moment to list off some of the things that this pregnancy has improved- improved to the point where I feel I am verging on superhuman.
Weight Loss: That’s right- LOSS. Turns out, two solid months of non-stop nausea and vomiting on a eerily regular schedule can actually lead to dropping a few pounds. Or almost ten pounds, in my case.
Now I am entering the healthy weight gain stage, but that does not lessen the feeling of success I have after the first trimester.
Human Noise Machine: Granted, the noises I can produce at inhuman volumes are a select few- namely, belching and uncontrollable sobbing- but boy, if a 7th grade boy challenges me to a belch-off, I can SO win that. And if I get lost in the wilderness, I will easily be found by the sound of hormonal wailing over nothing.
Which brings me to…
Never Get Lost in the Wilderness- For Long: Because of that loud sobbing that I just mentioned, above.
All-You-Can-Eat, 24-7: See, this child I’m growing inside me is taking HUGE developmental strides, like, constantly. And that requires a lot of nutrients. So I now eat about 6-8 small, healthy, balanced meals a day. And then one or two unhealthy snacks. In fact, the only time I stop eating for more than an hour or two is for this…
Best Sleep of My Life: At least for now, I sleep soundly for ten or eleven hours every night/morning/late morning (all of them- I sleep a LOT.) I have always considered myself a pro sleeper, but this really is the deepest sleep of my life. And it’s not boring, because…
Dreams Crazier than TV: Sci-fi, drama, reality TV- it all pales in comparison to the dramatic and imaginative reaches my dreams attain.
New Appreciation for High Heels: Something about the bloating, tummy expansion, and breakouts really makes a gorgeous, feminine pair of shoe all the more attractive. Immediate confidence boost- not to mention that extra two inches of height can help you feel slimmer.
Oh, and there is a TINY PERSON GROWING INSIDE ME: Which is amazing, a bit terrifying, miraculous, and beautiful all at once.
Do I feel superhuman? Not most of the time. Am I superhuman? Quite possibly. Either way, pregnancy is pretty incredible, all things considered.
I personally am not someone who has any great number of conspiracy theories. Yes, when a sudden Swine Flu epidemic broke out shortly after Obama was elected as president, I did wonder if the man-made disease had been released on-command. But come on, when it comes to Obama, politics, and the American government, I am most certainly not the only suspicious person around. There are lots of conspiracy theories, like the ones you learn about when you watch National Treasure. But the kind of conspiracy theories I’m prone to come up with are slightly less political and exciting. I tend to watch my sister take a long drink from MY glass of water, and then say suddenly, “I see what you’re doing! You’re passive-aggressively trying to kill me by drinking my water, and slowly removing everything I need to live!” This is the sort of comment that leads to my sister’s laughter and to jokes about being passive-aggressive between a ninth grade boy and I, as he is constantly asking me for water...
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