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Right Now


  Right now I am trying to keep my house relatively clean. I'm trying to tidy up before bed. It never feels super rewarding to pick up a million toys and do the dishes at the end of the day, but boy does it feel good to wake up to a clean (ish) house. I'm trying to clean my bathroom- like actually clean it, with soap and stuff- more than every six weeks.

  Right now I am trying to slowly transition to healthier, more natural alternatives rather than my usual myriad of toiletries. I'm trying out coconut oil as moisturiser and lotion. I'm contemplating making my own deodorant the next time I run out, even though it seems crazy to be one of those people who make their own deoderant

  Right now I am trying to get in the Word every day, even if only for a few minutes. And journal. Because writing helps me process, and sometimes I don't even see my own sin until it's on paper. Twenty minutes when my kid is sleeping makes a big difference in my walk with the Lord, it just takes an embarressingly large amount of self-discipline to choose that over watching a tv show half-asleep.

  Right now I am trying to get more vegetables in our diet, specifically greens. I'm trying to make salads a regular thing. I'm trying to temper our wheat and gluten intake a bit. I'm trying to cut out those last few holdout products that consist almost entirely of high fructose corn syrup.

  Right now I am trying to blog once a week, ish. Not because I am so important, but because it feels good to write. It feels good to be honest. And because quite frankly, I can't get coffee with every single one of you and share my heart, so this is my avenue for doing so.

  Right now I am trying- really, really trying- to have grace for others. Some weeks are more exhausting than others, and it is so hard sometimes to love my neighbor as myself. Like, really hard. Sometimes I'm just irritable and want to throw a pity party, but not invite anyone, because every single person is annoying. And the thing is, if EVERYONE is annoying, then the problem is clearly with me. So I'm trying to discern my own sinful attitudes, correct my own heart, and genuinely love others. This does not come naturally to me, but praise God for the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.

  Right now I am trying to slow down and really care for my child. I'm trying to stay in tune with his needs, to give him healthy food instead of letting him exist solely on string cheese, and to cut down screen time and read him that book for the billionth time instead- even though we both know that YES, at the end of the story the bear DOES GET HIS HAT BACK.

  Right now I am trying to be patient with my husband. I'm trying to pray for him more, to encourage him more, to be more sympathetic and understanding of the fact that when things weigh on his heart- good or bad- I need to be there for him. Since his work IS his ministry, it never really stays at the office. And that's okay. He is so faithful to serve me and love me, and I want to do a better job of making our home- and ME- a place of solace, of rest, and of refreshing encouragement.

  Right now I am trying to watch less TV, to eat less sugar, and to pretend to do yoga a little more often. Because even though my "yoga" is really just sitting on the floor doing stretches and sort-of practicing the deep breathing that I'll probably forget about when I'm in labor, it feels good to take of myself. I have to take care of my body.

  Right now I am trying to do a lot of things. This week I'm doing alright. Last week I was kind of a mess.

  The reality is, I am trying, and sometimes I am failing. And in a month, all of these things that I'm trying to do might be different. I will be different. My child will be different. Our family, and our ministry, and everything may well be different. So my goals and my strivings may change a bit too, but one thing will stay the same: My God.

  He is the constant. Living to glorify Him better is the constant. No matter how clean my bathroom is or is not, He is still Lord of my life. If we've cut out vegetables entirely and replaced them with Oreos, our God will still be good. He must be our focus, our greatest priority, our first love.

  Right now, I am here. Right now, my heart aches over certain things and rejoices in certain things, and everything feels a little vulnerable and unsteady, because I can feel changes coming but I'm not quite certain what they are. But my God isn't going anywhere. My own insecurities and failures are not too big for Him to handle, to root out of my heart, to replace with things that glorify Him.

  And next-month-Sarah will have her own set of failures, and it will be the same God Who is comforting and strengthening me today Who will root out those new failures in me tomorrow.

  He does not change like shifting shadows.

   "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, Who does not change like shifting shadows." 
  -James 1:17


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