Oh, hi there. No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth, I'm still here. It's just been three and a half months since I posted anything...that's not embarrassing at all.
In my defense, it's been a busy three months. I've INTENDED to blog about a hundred times (okay, like six times) but never managed to get around to it. So let me bring you up to speed really quickly.
My husband's family visited us from South Africa! Hurray! Lots of family time was had, lots of pictures were taken, lots of memories were made. It was wonderful.
Then we did one solid, jam-packed week of ministry together as a family. I count Judah's sacrifice of normal naptimes as his contribution to ministry, yes. Totally valid.
Then I had a minor emotional meltdown (more on that in a second) and my wonderful, patient husband was like "Alright, we need a vacation." So we went to the beach for a week and just...were. We took it easy, spent hours by the sea, ate good food and had no schedule or agenda or to-do list. It was marvelous.
Then we came home and found out there was a biological reason for my dramatically self-titled "emotional meltdown", commonly known as pregnancy hormones. That's right folks! Baby #2 is due in April, and we couldn't be more excited! Oh, and somewhere in there Judah found time to learn to stand, cruise, and take independent steps. Our baby is now a toddler. A one-year-old, to be more exact. What?! How? I don't know. I really do not know.
Which brings me to the present. Part of the time the thought of the impending baby makes me more determined than ever to hold to every parenting conviction as though it were law, carefully protecting my child from the evils of Cheerios and screen time while encouraging an early love of literature. The other half of the time, the many less-than-glamorous aspects of pregnancy leave me laying on the couch, trying not to throw up, and happily letting my child eat tortilla for lunch while we watch Caspar Babypants music videos so I can take a break from reading The Foot Book aloud for the one billionth time in a row. And I don't even feel guilty about it...then. Later, of course, my hormones kick in and I break down in tears for fear that I've permanently ruined my child.
But hormones aside, I get genuinely worried that I'm not making good choices about my son's care. I love him, and I want the best for him, and what I'm accidentally slowly poisoning him by letting him eat canned kidney beans? HUH? WHAT IF?
My thoughts tend to spiral through all the things that I might be doing wrong, could be doing better, or shouldn't be doing at all. There are so many theories and opinions on parenting, and while there are some things that the Bible does address specifically- such as discipline and instruction- it doesn't tell me straight up if I should let my kid eat gluten. Nowhere in Proverbs does it say, "Raise them up in the way they should go and use only homeopathic remedies when they have a cold."
To be quite honest, I'm probably doing some things wrong. I'm positive that there are things I could be doing better, because I'm fully certain that I am NOT a perfect mama. (Ha. Like that's even a real thing.) But I am doing my best. And I'll learn as I go. Maybe someday I'll look back and be like "Oh my gosh, why did I ever let my child play with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy? Those things clearly promote the desire to be a mutant!" But...probably not.
And I bring this up because I know I'm not alone in this. I'm not the only one that sometimes worries that I'm doing everything wrong. I'm not the only one who's working my hardest to keep my child safe, healthy, and loved- while still keeping fresh in my mind the sovereignty of God and my child's need for a Savior.
But sometimes I worry that other moms are going to think I'm the Crazy Mom. Which is a silly thing to worry about, because OF COURSE THEY ARE. Everyone is going to disagree with me about something, and guess what, THAT IS OKAY. That doesn't make me wrong. That doesn't make them wrong, either. It just makes us different. And it's okay to parent different ways. We're different moms. We have different children. We're in different situations, and there is no way for me to know each piece of your situation. I will never know each facet of each parenting decision you make. So who I am to tell you that you're wrong, even if I disagree?
See, before Judah was born, I had a plan for everything. And then he was born. And it turns out, my plans were not the fool-proof, iron-clad, set-in-stone things of beauty that I had previously thought them to be. So while I swore I'd never endanger my poor, innocent baby by co-sleeping with him, what up, we totally co-slept and he was totally safe.
Some parents never co-sleep with their kids, some co-sleep way longer than the three months that we did. Some parents choose not to sleep-train their kids, some let their kids cry it out. The parent that let's their baby cry is not automatically harsh and unloving. Likewise, parents who choose other methods aren't automatically weak or overly-doting- they have a unique child, unique family, and unique decision. I don't need to weigh in on it unless they ask for my advice.
Some mamas breastfeed. Some mamas pump exclusively and bottlefeed. Some supplement with formula, some use formula exclusively. Some make their own formula at home using goat's milk and liver broth (yeah, that's a real thing). But regardless of how we do it and how strongly we may or may not feel about each of those methods, we all feed our babies.
We're all doing the best we can with the information we have. We shouldn't judge a mom every time we see her mixing up formula. Maybe she just adopted a baby and doesn't have the option to breastfeed, or maybe she was told by their pediatrician to supplement with formula so their child will gain the weight they need. Maybe she doesn't know about the liver broth thing. We don't have all the information about their decision, and more importantly, it's not our place to jump in with criticisms- not even in the name of "being helpful."
Some kids learn sign language. Some kids talk early. Some kids communicate by grunting to their older sibling who understands exactly what they mean. In what I can only assume would be a dream come true for my husband, maybe our kid would communicate using Vulcan greetings and a spattering of Klingon. There isn't necessarily any one right way.
Some mamas carry their babies in their (presumably super toned) arms all the time. Some use wraps, and slings. Some use front carriers, back carriers, or strollers. Some get pregnant when their baby is nine months old, start showing basically immediately, no longer have the energy to haul said baby around, and start toting their heavy kid around in a wagon. (I know that was really specific...it's not like that's my life right now, or anything.)
Some parents use cloth diapers. Some parents use disposable diapers. Some parents start potty training their infant pretty much from birth using elimination communication. All of these choices are valid. None of these choices are universally best for every family, which is why it is so wonderful that we all get to decide for ourselves! We all get to find what works for our child.
We will continue to have a million tiny (yet often important) decisions before us as our children grow up. Right now, while Judah is one, my decisions consist largely of his daily care. Someday we'll have decisions to make about dating, social media, education, family responsibilities, entertainment, social activities, and so many other things. Our responsibility as parents to make wise decisions for our children- in turn teaching them to make wise decision for themselves- does not get any easier.
We have a high calling as parents- it is a tremendous blessing and an equally tremendous responsibility. We are all going to make mistakes. I am beyond happy to share my own mistakes, misadventures, successes, and moments of downright humbling sin that God is using to teach me as I learn to teach my child. But if I jump into a conversation not with humility, grace, and understanding but with a long list of how to get it all "right," I don't believe that serves my fellow mamas well. That sort of approach tends to lend itself to judgement, defensive hearts, and unhealthy comparison when our goal ought to be compassion, encouragement, and helpful comparison.
See, we all compare our kids with other kids. We compare ourselves with other parents. But that doesn't have to be a hurtful thing- it can be so helpful to hear from another mom who's child has had similar struggles as Judah! I gain so much from the input and experiences of other moms! Comparison with the goal of learning- as all of us should be, all the time- is far better than comparing to see who is right and who is wrong.
Passing judgement is not helpful. Sharing encouragement is.
Note: When I first wrote this, I included how we have chosen to do certain things- diapering, sleep habits, etc.- in the examples of the many choices we all have. However, before posting this I have decided to delete those specifics lest it drag the conversation away from having grace and compassion for our fellow parents and back to discussing the pros and cons of minute parenting details.
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