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Just another 2am

Every once in a while there is a night when I am up far too late (ok, that part is pretty frequent) and something just hits me in the gut. It is usually something that saddens me deeply. It is usually something out in the world that I have no control over, something that is wrong, something that I wish I could right.
Tonight it is no large thing. There is no catastrophic tragedy weighing on my heart tonight. It is just little things. Two little things hurt tonight, inconsequential though they may be.
The first is a poor choice of words. Someone referred to Christ's sacrifice as empathetic- it may be unintentional, or an attempt to put a new spin on the way we perceive Jesus, but there is no need for a new spin. "Empathetic" hardly does my Savior's perfect sacrifice justice. Empathy is passion, emotion. But the Bible says Jesus went to the cross because He LOVED us, and the Bible describes love as a choice. The perfect God of the universe CHOOSING to LOVE us in our unworthiness is far more powerful than an emotional response to something.
The second thing weighing on me is the things we define ourselves by. The hashtags we attach to ourselves, to put it in less-than-eloquent terms. What do we stand for? How do we define ourselves, intentionally or unintentionally, with the things we spend time and energy and words on?
For me, my shortcoming in this area is probably my son. I talk about him all the time. I talk about my son more than I talk about the Son of God, and that is convicting me in a mighty way tonight.
What caused me to examine my heart in that area in the first place was wine. I have a friend who really likes wine. In moderation and with responsibility, I think that's fine. But it is a bit sad when that is one of the most common things to come up in conversation, or on their Facebook or Instagram, or whatever the case may be. Because anything we allow to be a big part of our lives or how we represent ourselves says a lot about us, and I want every part of my life to clearly point to the one true God, the God Who has made me alive in the midst of death, Who has saved me in the midst of my wretchedness, Who daily gives me grace in the midst of my failings. He matters more than any other thing I can talk about.

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