The First Year

  One year ago today, I put on a white dress and walked barefoot down an aisle between rows of smiling friends and family, and married the love of my life. It sounds a bit cliche, but he really is.
  Arthur is my best friend, my greatest love- second only to the God of creation- and the man of my dreams. He is the best man that I know. I could go on for pages about the incredible husband I have been blessed with, and the many things that I adore and admire about him. But there is a better way for me to honor him and our first year of marriage, and that is to give credit where credit is truly due: the Father Who loves us.

  There are many moments and dates in our relationship that I remember so well, but by far the most significant of those is the day we were married. Arthur’s dad, the humble and wise Bud Diener, married us. The ceremony was perfect, in that it was entirely Christ-focused. Because really, that’s what we want our marriage to be, and we wanted our wedding to set the precedent for that as well. Sure, there were funny moments, sweet moments, picture-perfect moments; but more importantly our eyes and hearts were set on honoring God with our wedding as we entered into a marriage intended to honor Him as well. That’s what made our wedding perfect, and that’s what makes our marriage such an incredible blessing.
  In this first wonderful, crazy, powerful year of marriage God has taught us many things and grown us a great deal, both individually and as a couple. That is what I am going to write about now- simply a few of the many ways that the Lord has grown us, blessed us, tried us, and taught us in the past twelve months. Yes, this will probably be a rather long post, but I can’t apologize for that- there is much in our marriage to praise God for, and so I refuse to mince my words!

  We have learned to be commitment-minded in everything that we do and say. By this I mean that when I am tempted to hold my frustration in (where it is bound to fester and grow) instead of addressing the problem, I must remind myself that I am married to this man for life. Not for a few years, or until things get tough, or when I feel like it- for better or worse, forever. And so I must be mindful of what habits I allow myself to develop now, and if they are habits that will harm our marriage over time instead of prospering it, I need to correct myself.
  I think often about what I want our marriage to look like in ten or fifteen years- what sort of marriage do I want us to be modeling for our children as they become teenagers, as they prepare for adulthood and their own marriages? That is such a convicting though, and it motivates me to address even the seemingly-small, seemingly-insignificant difficulties in our relationshio and faults in my own character.
  Picturing the long-term helps keep the short-term in perspective, both illuminating areas that need work lest they became a greater struggle in time, and overshadowing the things that truly do not matter, though they may seem looming in the moment.

  We have learned the value in being exhausted by the right things instead of the wrong things. There are days when we both go to bed completely exhausted from the upkeep of our marriage that day. Being always patient, quick to listen and slow to speak, gracious in our words and tone, serving instead of self-seeking, and God-glorifying in all things is incredibly tiring some times! Some days more than others, it takes all the energy we have, and then some (lean on the Holy Spirit for this! Always!)
  But it SO much better to fall asleep worn out from those things than it is to fall asleep worn out from being around each other. And when I fail to be patient and gracious with Arthur, all of the sudden he can be really hard to be around. When I am selfish, his needs frustrate me, because I get so wrapped up in what a long day I had and how tired I am that I fail to recongize that he had a long day and is tired as well. Falling asleep frustrated with my husband all too often leads to waking up frustrated with my husband. It

  We have learned to be direct, honest, and gracious in our communication. We follow the ten day rule: If you haven’t brought it up within ten days, it’s your own heart problem, not something the other person did.
  We have learned to respond to everything with thankfulness. When I fail to do this and am struggling with frustration, discontenment, or complaining, Arthur reminds me of the many things we have to be thankful for (there are so many!) and we redirect to praising God.
  We have learned to pray for the other person in moments of both strength and weakness, as prayer is equally important in all circumstances. In moments of success, we pray for humility and a desire to honor God far above ourselves. In moments of difficulty, we pray for peace and a total dependence on the Holy Spirit.
  We have learned to end each conversation with “I love you,” especially a disagreement. For me, this is wonderful not only because I am telling me husband that I love him despite any frustration, but also because it reminds ME that I love him, and refocuses my attention on my love for him over being irritated about something silly.
  We have learned to identify the problem out loud. If we’re not communicating well, we say “We’re not communicating very well right now. Let’s elaborate.”

  Please notice that I said we have LEARNED these things. Sometimes slowly, sometimes painfully, sometimes not very well. They are things that we didn’t know or have figured out on our own, but that we have learned through seeking to glorify God and listening to the wisdom of people much smarter than ourselves. They are also things that we are STILL LEARNING.  We are so far from perfect. We have so much left to learn, so many areas in which to grow, so many ways in which to be continually sanctified. And it is exciting! It is exciting to look back on how much the Lord has grown us in one short year, and to look forward to how much He can continue to grow us as we continue to put Him first. He is faithful to teach us (including through trials!) as we seek to glorify and serve Him first in our marriage- high above ourselves, and even above one another.
  I am so thankful for the marriage we have been blessed with already, and I cannot wait to see what we have learned by this time next year.

 
  Note: When I wrote that we got married “one year ago today”- well, that was written yesterday. I forgot to actually post it until now. So…now we’re up to date.