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Parenting Adventures: Already, I'm Wrong

  I lay in bed five days ago, staring up at the dark shapes that the shadows made on the ceiling. It was the fourth night since Judah had been born, and I was realizing something: Already, I am wrong.

  Before our first child was born- this tiny blessing that we have had for just over a week now- I was certain of many things. I made plans. I confidently stated that our child would never co-sleep with my husband and I, because it was just too scary- and besides, we had a perfectly good cradle for him to sleep in instead. And yet now I found myself cuddled up beside the most precious human being I had ever seen, as he slept deeply (and safely) between Arthur and I in our bed.  Before he was born, I said I’d never give Judah formula. And while I am sticking with breastfeeding, I cannot deny the fact that at 4am three days into motherhood I cried and wanted to give up.
 
  I have realized in these short nine days of Judah’s life that many of the things I was certain of before he was born, I am no longer certain of. That is alright. The three of us in our little family will figure this out together- what works for us, and what doesn’t. Many times it will not look how I imagined it would, and that it ok. Sometimes it will be better than I imagined. Sometimes it will be harder. No matter what, we are blessed beyond measure by this child and the opportunity to raise him.

  I would say more, but the sweet child laying beside me in bed is beginning to wake up. He will hungry when he does, because he always is.  I am living in a new normal- one much less task-oriented, and far more relationship-oriented. I will leave the laundry half-done and the dishes on the counter, and I will nurse my little boy. Then he will provide a loud explosion of stink (because he always does) and I will change his diaper. Maybe we’ll switch to using cloth diapers today- like I always planned- or maybe we won’t. It doesn’t really matter.
  My baby matters. And my baby is an incredible gift from God.
 

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