As of today, I am 26 weeks pregnant. In just a little more than three months our first child will be born, and we grow more excited for that day all the time! Despite the less than enjoyable aspects of being pregnant- the newest of which is icing my back each night to reduce the soreness- I really do like being pregnant. I like being able to care for this little boy before he has even taken his first breath.
Yet I have been made to realize that it is not really me who is caring for this tiny life inside me.
Now, of course I am responsible for taking care of myself and my baby to the best of my ability during this pregnancy. I take vitamins and drink enough water to drown a small animal. I eat healthy snacks throughout the day and take walks. When I felt slightly anemic I brewed nettles into a tea to get a natural source of iron- trust me, I am fully dedicated to this child’s health and well being!
Yet despite all of that, it is not truly me who is keeping this boy alive. I am not really the one who is protecting him, caring for him, and growing him each day. I have a part in that, yes! A very big part! But I am not ultimately the one who can be thanked when he is born.
My Father is the One Who is doing all the hard work with this baby. He is the One Who has knit him together inside my womb, Who gives him life each moment, Who protects him from the variety of prenatal difficulties- Who created him in the first place! While God has entrusted this child into my care during this time, that by no means lessens this child’s dependence on God for each new moment of life.
During the first few weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I struggled a great deal with having joy. I was overwhelmingly thankful that I was pregnant, and overjoyed at the prospect of having a baby. But for some reason I had always assumed that my first pregnancy would result in a miscarriage. It is not uncommon for this to happen, and in my fear that I would lose this new life, I did not rejoice in the blessing of that new life the way that I should have. My husband very lovingly and gently told me that I needed to stop depending on myself and depend on God- that I needed to glorify Him and thank Him for this miracle, regardless of the outcome of the pregnancy. He reminded me that our trust in God and the sovereignty of His will is not conditional, and so our joy cannot be conditional either.
One day I realized that God had been preparing me in advance to trust Him completely with this pregnancy. Last summer I was sitting in church listening to the speaker describe a missionary family whose children walked through the jungle with them to get to rural villages, often crossing raging rivers on nothing more than a rope strung from one side to the other. As this was being described, I clearly remember thinking, “God, I don’t know if I could do that. I don’t know if I could trust the life and safety of my child to You so much that I could watch them cross a river like that.” Immediately I was deeply convicted that I DID need to trust my future children to the Lord that much- because while they may never cross through a jungle with me, they would be just as dependent on the Lord for safety and protection when they crossed the street.
That dependence on God for all things does not change from circumstance to circumstance, it is merely our perception of it that changes.
I will never be able to truly ensure the safety of my children in every way. And that is alright, because my children and I will have a Father in common- One Who CAN protect them from all things in a way that I am never truly capable of, even as their mother. And while there will be many bumps and bruises, some greater than others, my son only exists for the glory of God anyways. He has not been given to me so that I can hide him away and attempt to keep him safe. He has been perfectly created by a loving and perfect God for His glory.
By no means am I suggesting that part of my role as a parent is not to care for my child and protect them from harm. It absolutely is, and I take that responsibility very seriously. However, even more serious to me is my responsibility to depend on God for everything in life, including my ability to be a mother. I am responsible for modeling that holy dependence on God for my children.
And in order to model that dependence on God, I must actually be depending on God. For all things, at all times- even with the people I love the most dearly, such as this tiny unborn son that I so adore.
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