My mother-in-law (whom I honestly adore) sent me an article on marrying young recently. Well, it made me cry. And perhaps that’s just due to all the pregnancy hormones raging through my ever-enlarging body, but I really was struck by what was said in this article.
See, I have some very strong feelings about marriage. (Imagine, me feeling strongly about something…unheard of, I know.) I am thankful that I waited till last December to get married, not so much because I think I needed to be that age, but because all the guys in my life prior to Arthur were a far cry from husband material, and I am so thankful that I’m not living on a beach with a pothead who thinks my pregnancy might be a bad case of bloat.
See, I’m 22. According to society’s expectations for young people, I should either be graduating from college and establishing a career, or I should still be in school. Now, both going to college and choosing a career are great things to do. They really are. However, as a 22-year-old young woman, I am expected to do those things BEFORE getting married, and CERTAINLY before I even think about starting a family, because we are told that you have to get your life together before we are ready to wed or to be parents.
Well, personally, if I had decided not to marry till I had my life figured out, I would just never marry. If I didn’t have kids until I had my finances, work, relationships, and priorities all in perfect working order, I would never be a mother.
And from what I read online every single day, I’m not the only one. Many young women five years older than me lament that they still don’t “have it figured out.” I sympathize! I’m a stay-at-home wife and crazy pregnant lady who is realizing for the first time in her life that I should probably wash my windows! My budget changes every month, because life is always changing- the car needs repairs, I need maternity clothes that cover my entire stomach, Arthur or I have medical bills. Just when I think the dishes are done, they aren’t anymore. No matter how recently we went to the grocery, we suddenly realize we don’t have baking soda, or have nacho fixings but don’t own a cheese grater. There is SO MUCH that I don’t have figured out!
And yet, I would be facing these challenges even if I weren’t married. When I was single and had never heard of Arthur, I still grimaced over my finances and how to afford gas each month. I still had to plan a way to get healthy, affordable meals. I still worried about insurance, and expenses, and if I could get more hours at work- I just did it all alone. Now, I do it all with Arthur.
When I met him, I was terrified by how much I liked him. He was enlisted in the Navy, and it seemed highly impractical for us to pursue a relationship, much less a marriage. We dated anyways. The longer we dated, the harder things got- at one point we were living an hour apart, both working underpaid part-time jobs, and neither of us had a working car. It was rough. Buying soup to microwave for dinner on date nights was as lavish as it got. But we were together.
And since getting married, things have continued to be crazy. We’ve both had health issues arise, we’ve had all sorts of unexpected expenses, and just when we settled into our sweet little apartment we had to start looking for a two-bedroom for when the baby comes. Yet it is so much better than it could be, because we are together- we have a constant source of support, encouragement, advice, joy, and strength in one another that neither of us had when facing similar challenges while single.
When you meet someone, and you love them, there is no need to wait five year or take two hundred compatibility tests before getting married. Exercise wisdom, yes! As a believer, I prayed about every step we took in our relationship- and that prayerful consideration still allowed us to get married 18 months after meeting. There is no need to live together first, graduate from college first, have a ten-year-plan first, or backpack Europe first. You can do all of that after you get married, too, you know.
Anyways, here is the article: http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/04/i_married_young_what_are_the_rest_of_you_waiting_for.html
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