Skip to main content

You're welcome, internet.

Dear status update, dear Facebook; here I make a solemn vow
That throughout my lovely married life some things I’ll not allow
No detailed play-by-play of cleaning; no album of food I cook
No, my menial daily details shall not be here when you look

I won’t burden you with descriptions of how much mold I’ve seen
Nor bore with exclamations of the stores to which I’ve been
I’ll not brag of groceries carried through the snow, uphill both ways
I’ll refrain from sharing every humorous thing my husband says

Should I learn that Christmas trees can be re-purposed in a stew
If I shout of this finding, dear Facebook, it will not be to you
Though my laundry skill may keep even one sock from escaping
Or I may once receive an honorary Nobel prize for decorating

Though I may someday be elected as the president of water-filtering
Or add to the English language quaint words such as “Milkering”
(The act of filtering milk- but you must have known that)
I still will not update you daily on my every inspiring act

So dear Facebook, as I promise all of this- or rather, vow
Please know that I am vacuuming left-handed even now
I’ll never stop my duties as wife, woman, and Sarah Anne 
But my statuses will always be as interesting as they can.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Girl, Your House is a Mess

  Recently someone on Facebook posted something that bothered me. I didn't fly into a rage and comment viciously- I've been working on not commenting right away- or at all- when something bugs me, because often firing off a comment in the moment isn't most gracious ( more on this here ). But I've been thinking about it, so here we go.   This post was about moms with messy houses, and how there is no excuse for one. People commented largely supporting this- asserting that messes are the result of laziness on the women's part, and that unless you are disabled in some way, you have no excuse. "Especially stay at home mom's," one woman, a stay-at-home mom herself, said, "I want to ask them what they do all day." Another comment agreed that the more time you have at home, the more time you have to clean, and therefore less possible reason why it should be messy. In general, it seemed agreed upon that a few books on your floor for a short amount...

How to Fool People into Thinking Your Music Video is Good

Step 1: Give them a little taste of something familiar. Perhaps use a scene so reminiscent of the year 1999 that it is practically the cover of the Backstreet Boys “Millenium” album come to life. Be sure to appear out of thin air and have some box fans built into the wall behind you for unneccesary effect. Step 2: Start slow. Begin the song by talking. It really doesn’t matter what you say, as long as your hair is a foot tall while you’re saying it, and it builds into actual singing while you use flashy hand motions at the exact same moment. Step 3: Wear lots of outfits. Make sure you give your audience an opportunity to see you wearing a white space suit, black leather with enough chains and grommets to build a chainsaw out of, and something you think the typical high school student would wear- just to be relatable. Step 4: Feature a nice car. It’s ok if the car has no bearing on the video whatsoever, just step out of it or sit in front of it for a few seconds here an...