Dear status update, dear Facebook; here I make a solemn vow
That throughout my lovely married life some things I’ll not allow
No detailed play-by-play of cleaning; no album of food I cook
No, my menial daily details shall not be here when you look
I won’t burden you with descriptions of how much mold I’ve seen
Nor bore with exclamations of the stores to which I’ve been
I’ll not brag of groceries carried through the snow, uphill both ways
I’ll refrain from sharing every humorous thing my husband says
Should I learn that Christmas trees can be re-purposed in a stew
If I shout of this finding, dear Facebook, it will not be to you
Though my laundry skill may keep even one sock from escaping
Or I may once receive an honorary Nobel prize for decorating
Though I may someday be elected as the president of water-filtering
Or add to the English language quaint words such as “Milkering”
(The act of filtering milk- but you must have known that)
I still will not update you daily on my every inspiring act
So dear Facebook, as I promise all of this- or rather, vow
Please know that I am vacuuming left-handed even now
I’ll never stop my duties as wife, woman, and Sarah Anne
But my statuses will always be as interesting as they can.
First of all, I was created unique from anyone who has ever lived or ever will live. Also, I like to make up really strange dance moves. Dancing horribly is something I am remarkably good at. I have treed a squirrel. Like, without the help of a hunting dog- just treed it on my own. I chased it for a few minutes, chirping at it in what I hoped was a macho-squirrel manner, until it finally became afraid for it’s life. I can sing like a male opera singer. Quite well, believe it or not. It’s surprisingly addictive, and when I start doing it subconsciously in public places things can get very awkward very fast. However, it takes a lot to embarass me. I try to make a habit or embarassing myself regularly enough that embarassment doesn’t put a damper on my day. I have this wonderful ability to talk in a very annoying, squeaky voice- lots of people can do this, but I can laugh in that voice, and the sound of it makes me laugh harder, and so forth. It’s great. I can go fr...
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