Skip to main content

I used to have this habit. It was a bad habit, but it felt like a gift. It felt like raw, unleashed, talent.
Sarcasm.
Biting, hard-hitting, cruel. I could dig down into peoples skin and come away with chunks of self-esteem like no one else. I was what- fourteen, fifteen years old- and yet I could use sarcasm like I’d been trained in it in the mountains of Peru for forty years.
(As far as I know, there is not a sarcasm training camp in the mountains of Peru, but at the age of fifteen I probably could have started one on my own.)


But, of course, it couldn’t last.
Not the talent- that has stayed with me. Still, like a flash of malevolent genius, retorts will come to me immediately. I just bite my tongue, now. Sometimes literally. Clenched jaw, pained smile, closed eyes, trying not to speak in the face of something so incredibly presumptuous, immature, blind, or uncalled for that it takes far more willpower than I possess to keep quiet.

Hey, Holy Spirit, thanks for being here tonight.
That’s the difference.
The difference between fifteen-year-old Sarah, cruel and brilliant with her words, and twenty-one-year-old Sarah, stumbling in the ways of learning to be kind, is only one thing: The Holy Spirit has been teaching me, for years, to control my speech.
It is not easy, and it is certainly not fun. I once reveled in the joy of the verbal fights I could start, and better yet, WIN. It was a delight. I was powerful, and I loved that. But see now…now it is BETTER. Not easier, or more fun- but better.
I have more joy, more peace, more love towards other people when I am not continually cutting them down with a God-given gift for putting words together well.

I am still good with words. I am just trying to choose, through the strength that only God and His Spirit can provide, to use them for good.
It sounds cheesy, I know- “using my powers for good,” and all that. I don’t mean to be cliche. I am very serious. If you are good at something, you are using it for good or bad. So choose. Because if you are not intentionally doing good, odds are you will find yourself unintentionally (or in my case, unfortunately, quite intentionally) doing harm.

Sometimes- often, really- I have to revert back to what a childhood friend’s mother told her daughter and I as she buckled us into the backseat of their car, after a day at the park. "If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything."
Silence is a great alternative to sarcasm, until I learn to speak with grace. 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pause Before You Post: Representing yourself responsibly and honestly online

  When I was about eleven years old I went to summer camp for the first time. Before my sister and I left, my mother talked to us about something. She explained that we needed to mindful of our behavior at camp, not only because it is important to be kind and respectful, but also because we would be a representation of both our family and Christ to the people around us. That stuck with me.   Now, with so many of us daily browsing and posting to social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and blogs such as this, our representation is no longer limited to the people we are around in person- it is far-reaching, even global at times. It is certainly a far more widespread representation of yourself to post on the internet than it is to say something in person; on the internet, the dozens or hundreds of people you are connected with may see it. That is an enormous audience.   I feel very strongly that we need to be mindful of that audience, of that re...
Post a Comment
Read more

Girl, Your House is a Mess

  Recently someone on Facebook posted something that bothered me. I didn't fly into a rage and comment viciously- I've been working on not commenting right away- or at all- when something bugs me, because often firing off a comment in the moment isn't most gracious ( more on this here ). But I've been thinking about it, so here we go.   This post was about moms with messy houses, and how there is no excuse for one. People commented largely supporting this- asserting that messes are the result of laziness on the women's part, and that unless you are disabled in some way, you have no excuse. "Especially stay at home mom's," one woman, a stay-at-home mom herself, said, "I want to ask them what they do all day." Another comment agreed that the more time you have at home, the more time you have to clean, and therefore less possible reason why it should be messy. In general, it seemed agreed upon that a few books on your floor for a short amount...
1 comment
Read more

Parenting Adventures: Already, I'm Wrong

  I lay in bed five days ago, staring up at the dark shapes that the shadows made on the ceiling. It was the fourth night since Judah had been born, and I was realizing something: Already, I am wrong.   Before our first child was born- this tiny blessing that we have had for just over a week now- I was certain of many things. I made plans. I confidently stated that our child would never co-sleep with my husband and I, because it was just too scary- and besides, we had a perfectly good cradle for him to sleep in instead. And yet now I found myself cuddled up beside the most precious human being I had ever seen, as he slept deeply (and safely) between Arthur and I in our bed.  Before he was born, I said I’d never give Judah formula. And while I am sticking with breastfeeding, I cannot deny the fact that at 4am three days into motherhood I cried and wanted to give up.     I have realized in these short nine days of Judah’s life that many of the things I was certa...
Post a Comment
Read more